Dysfunctional

Before you read this: Please don't judge me... I'm just sharing my story because people asked...

Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I'm sleep deprived so I guess I'll just write it now and regret it in the morning :/

First of all - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born (she was actually really, really hot - but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever). I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

Anyway, growing up I feel like there was a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18, I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me - but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice (probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home (my dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

So... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up - but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

After we left, we all went to crash with sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good-looking guy, and even though she was my sister - I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

My friend and my sister never hooked up (I don't think) - but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery, my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started giving me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time - like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anthing romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment, I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and I had to go face him.

So, I'm "playing" this new game. It's called Evoke; and it isn't easy (click the title to go to the site). This blog post, or (more accurately) the actions it describes, will earn me one point in a Massive Multi-Player Online Game where players attempt to literally make the world a better place by taking actions in the real world to create lasting changes that effect everyone.

Top players (those that submit an Evokation - a written or video presentation detailing a project you intend to undertake to change the world) are eligible for Online Mentorships with social innovators and business leaders, travel scholarships to the first EVOKE summit in D.C., seed investment to start developing your first social venture, and other EVOKE rewards.

Like I said, though, it isn't easy.

I've had to stop playing other great games, like DDO, Vampire Wars, pretty much all those I took the time to put over there. <---

This post then, is two-fold. I want to tell you about Evoke (go to UrgentEvoke.com to take a look and (hopefully) sign up, maybe we can team up on something Huge. The second thing I want to tell you about is my intention for the Project Two - Food Security.

I'm supposed to "increase food security for at least one person in [my] community." How the hell do you do that?

I really don't know. Here's what I've come up with so far.

The Blue Planet Cooperative

This is a tiny little organic produce shop, juice bar and deli. It costs $25.00 annually to become a member, but members get a 20% discount on all purchases. The last time I was in there, I learned that you can gain an additional discount by volunteering one (I think it was one) day a week to work there (counter, cleaning, stocking, whatever).

I'm including this because - well - it's local produce so I'm supporting local growers, which helps keep them fed, reduces the drain on the overall resources because the food I'm eating doesn't have to be shipped from god-knows-where (which doesn't help feed someone in my community, but go screw, it helped me make up my mind).

My intent is to bike down there and join up, see if / when I can help out (for more $aving$). That's part one.

The Lincolnville Community Garden

Did you know we had our own community garden? Me either. Also, I don't know anything about gardening. Well, I know a little. I had a garden in my backyard at Dad's house in Farmersville. I thought I'd start out as a volunteer member, cleaning up, weeding, etc. When next-year's Box Memberships come up, I can sign up to do some actual growing - eat some and donate the rest to, I don't know, does the St Francis Shelter take food donations like that?

Or maybe... I guess I could offer to make the Box Membership donation in the name of the St Francis Shelter and anyone from the shelter could go there and work the land. That may be a little too "it's a wonderful life."

I could volunteer at the local "wherever there is a soup kitchen," and might even do some good - but Food Security is about the long-haul, not just one or two (or even a few) meals. If anyone else has an idea how I could expand on this, I'm all ears.

How can I - What can I set up to help someone - some people - feed themselves? How the hell do you teach a man to fish?

Where are my Building Blocks?

I want to change the world.

I want to change the world because I don't like the world I live in. I think the world can be changed; it should be changed. And I've read a lot about changing yourself first, doing little things to do great things, and all of that - but I've never done it. I live in a small (for the U.S.) 12' x 24' space and I watch Lost and play video games and write role-playing game scenarios that I may never run (I'm a pen-and-paper gamer).

So I'm looking at this list of 33 innovation tips / rules for design / hints for making the world better. And I'm trying to pick one to start with. One to focus on.

It is very difficult for me to choose one of these Secrets of Social Innovation as my favorite. Coming at the list "cold," it isn't a very easy group of concepts to get my head around. My brain wants them all to line up in a nice row and look pretty; but they don't. Coming from different authors, from different notions of what has to be done, from different perspectives - at least they're grouped nicely.

But I'm over analyzing this thing; I'll take each one at face value.

The most obvious choices, based on my background and experience, would be Think Creatively, Think and Act Like a Child, Think and Act BIG, and Make it Inexpensive.

Think Creatively is the one that draws the most on my soul. As an artist, I feel like it's my lot in life to stand here on this blank canvas and use whatever I can find lying around to create some new thing. I've never applied that to anything other than comic book art and role-playing games before. It feels like a challenge.

The Agent of Change standing behind me, goading me to prove myself. Do something, anything, other than drawing pictures no one will see and writing games no one will play. Get up go out and create something. And I hit my first roadblock.

What can I create? What can I do? How the hell am I going to change anything?

I have an idea forming in my rotten little mind. I know it's brilliant. I know it has the potential to be amazing. I know I can reach a million people who might otherwise never give this a second glance. I think I can do it fairly cheap, I think I can do it right, I even think it's something I can follow through on and maintain well into my golden years if necessary. I just don't know the details of what it is. I don't even know if I'm even the guy who should be doing it. Screw it. Think and Act BIG, right?

It's my ball, I'll run with it. I might be over-stepping the original scope of this post; but eff that. It's time to let the Glorious Monster off his chain. Time to do some damage!

You want me to think creatively? Think and Act Big, unfettered and unhindered like the mind of a Child? You got it.

A Pretty Swell Guy

(Excerpted & edited from an archives 2009 4chan thread)

Warning! What has been seen, cannot be unseen!

Has anyone ever taken an serious look at the Tarrasque's picture? He's not roaring; he's smiling. The little guys? They're not RUNNING AWAY from him, they're running alongside him! Note how they're not flailing their arms around and screaming. They're laughing and gesturing for Tarry to come and follow! They're all jolly good friends!

Poor guy's so misunderstood; but next Tarrasquemas, he'll return. Friend to all children - he emerges from his workshop in the middle of the earth and walks through town handing out gifts to the good little girls and boys. If you were good all year, you can run out into the street and play with the Tarrasque, riding his giant carapaced back or running alongside his powerful, earth-shaking feet.

We don't talk about what happens to the bad little girls and boys. :(

Dashing through the snow!

On his carapace we will sway!

Through the streets we go!

Laughing all the way!

Thunderous is his stride!

Colossal is his size!

What fun it is to ride atop

The Tarasque's oh so massive thighs!

Oh!

Jingle Bells (stomp), Jingle Bells (Stomp), Jingle All the Way!

Oh what fun it is to play with Tarrasques all the day, Hey!

Jingle Bells (stomp), Jingle Bells (Stomp), Jingle All the Way!

Oh what fun it is to play with Tarrasques all the day!

Tarrasquemas comes but once in a lifetime, but we celebrate it every Ninth of September with the giving of gifts and indulging in the mass consumption of all things edible. Eating so much you pass out. And don't forget to leave cookies of chocolate and horse meat outside your door for sweet Tarry as he tromps through the countryside handing out gifts of joy and love.

From the Book of Mooks, Chapter 23

"23:33 And when they were come to the place which is called Faerun, there they struck him down to -30HP, and there they made a wish for his destruction.

23:34 Then said the Tarrasque, "Ao, forgive them, for they not not what they do. And they parted his carapace, and cast lots for his horns and loot.

23:35 And the NPCs stood beholding. And the adventurers also with them derided them saying, "He ate others, let him save himself, if he be Tarrasque, the Epic Level Solo."

To celebrate Tarrasquemas, bring cakes and sausages and alcohol in all forms to your gaming session. Before you eat, think about how important it is to be nice to your fellows, even if they - or indeed you - appear to be a monstrous engine of destruction bent on consuming everything in sight. Eat cake and eat sausage and drink your fill and have fun. A Great Day for All!

Jolly Tarrasquemas to one and all!

The dwarf elders spun stories to the young hairy-chinned children of a day when the ground rumbles, announcing the return of the Tarrasque. The boys and girls who had behaved for their parents and were kind to all others could leave the caves to the surface, where they would receive gifts from the magnificent beast.

How can you look at this image and not understand how kind and loving the Tarrasque actually is?

"Happy hey, Happy hey

The Tarrasque is on his way!

Hear the children, hear them cheer,

'Tarrasque day's drawing near!'"

"You better watch out

you better not cry

better not pout

I'm telling you why

The Tarrasque is coming to town.

He's takin' a rest

not wakin' up twice;

hopin' the adventurers are all nice

The Tarrasque is coming to town.

He sees you when you're sleeping

you know when he's awake

He's sorry if he thinks your food

So try not to smell like cake!

O! You better watch out

You better not cry

better not pout

I'm telling you why

The Tarrasque is coming to town.

The Tarrasque is coming to town.

Every monster down in Fallcrest loved Tarrasquemas a lot.

But the munchkin who lived north of Fallcrest did not.

It could be because he was min-maxed too much.

It could be because he was greedy and such.

But the most likely reason he was so mean, they say

Was that he would rollplay, not roleplay, all day.

But whatever the reason, his stats or his play,

He stood there above town before Tarrasquemas Day.

For below he could see, every monster beneath,

Was happy now making an elven-gut wreath.

"Now they're arranging encounters," he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow's Tarrasquemas, it's practically here!"

And he sneered with his munchkin dice nervously rolling,

"I must find a way to stop Tarrasquemas from coming!"

"For tomorrow, you see, every goblin and orc,

"They'll exchange all their presents, the'll eat their long pork.

"Then they'll be happy and content, then they'll happily sing,

"It'll make me feel hapy when rage is my thing."

So he hitched up his sleigh to his warhorses heavy,

Which he'd min-maxed to go faster than a '54 Chevy.

With bags of holding and portable holes,

He raced down to town laden down with 10-foot poles.

With his sword he did lay waste to monsters left and right,

And thought he would slaughter all day and all night.

Racing past guards wearing seven-league boots.

To race back up home with his treasure and loots.

When to his dismay, he heard a terrible roar,

Scarier than anything he'd heard e're before.

And down through the streets raced a monster Colossal,

Twas the Tarrasque! That lovely old fossil!

The munchkin, he screamed and turned quite white

And pissed in his trousers, from terrified fright.

Seeing himself in that massive black eye,

He was quite certain that he soon would die.

But the Tarrasquemas spirit extends to one and all,

To good and to evil, to chaos and law.

And so he was led to a table, I think

And given a glass of fine dwarven ale to drink.

A lovely roast sausage inside of a roll

was placed in his hand by a kobold so droll.

And as he stood there, aghast and bemused.

The monsters stood round him and chuckled, amused.

And the munchkin with his munchkin feet ice cold in the snow,

stood INT-checking and INT-checking, how could it be so?

It came without feats, it came without stats?

It came without swords, or crossbows or bats?

And he INT-checked and Int-checked 'till his dice were worn.

Then the munchkin thought of something he hadn't before.

What if Tarrasquemas, he though, doesn't have just a CR?

What if Tarrasquemas needs just a little bit more?

And then the littlist kobold of all

Stood there before him, with his scarf oh so small.

He said, "silly human, you don't comprehend,

"Today is Tarrasquemas, all conflict must end!"

"For tomorrow we'll go back to the things that we do,

"You'll try to kill us and we'll try to kill you.

"But until then, why don't we be nice to each other.

"For one day, let PCs and mobs be like brothers!"

Then the munchkin looked 'round at the monsters so sweet,

And thought to himself, "That's a lot of XP."

He drew his sword then and he started to charge.

But was promptly crushed under a foot oh-so large.

Today is Tarrasquemas, the day for good cheer,

But if you're an asshole, you're dead now, y'hear?

Because Grampy Tarry's patrolling the streets.

So if you're not nice, you'll wind up dead meats.

So drink up your ale and your eggnog so tasty,

And share with your friends some pudding that's hasty.

Give away presents for 1d4 days,

and let you're GM know that he's doing okay.

Let's run with the Tarrasque as he bounds through the town,

And when the day's over, we'll see him burrow down.

To the center of the earth where he'll sleep all the day,

Dreaming of next year, the next Tarrasquemas Day.

I believe in the Tarrasque. Though we celebrate but once - and remember only once a year, Every Day can be Tarrasquemas - if you just keep the Tarrasque in your heart. It's change we can believe in.

God, I want to make this canon in my D&D games - THAT'S IT, from now on, the Tarrasque is a pretty swell guy.

"A ring of sustenance lacks the enchantment to sate the Epic Hunger of the Tarrasque. It takes a hearty Tarrasquemas Dinner with plenty of nog for that!"

"The Terrasque saved my kitten once, when it was stuck up in a tree! I mean, sure - yeah, it was smushed kitten paste, but he tried, dammit! He tried!"

"You people remind me of a mother and her hideous, unholy spawn of Iblies that she parades around as her offspring and calls "cute.""

End?

Tasty and Unfinished

I'm working on some She-Hulk artwork (because why the hell not?), but the first one is maybe half-done; here's a couple pieces from my practically defunct MySpace account.

First up is an Elven Archer I drew (and created for D&D, but never played) with butterfly thing. With the exception of the butterfly wings (I wish I'd given them some detail), I was pretty happy with this one. I gave her some fucking massive Elf Quest ears (which look a little odd on an adult-sized elf hunny), but you love it.




This second one was actually a sketch for an D&D character I played; he was a devotee of Asmodeus and trying like the dickens to become the evil mastermind of the city he lived in. He wore a mask and skulked about at night to hide his evil from the city as a whole. Before I got to draw this image, he was killed off by another PC (who managed to kill off all the other PCs too, the evil bastard). I drew, scanned and colored this about a year ago (a week or two after that elf up there); and just found it in a dusty corner of my hard drive.

I hope it's new to you. Or, at least, you're one of the gamers who was there when Mark dropped the "fuck 'em I'm evil" bomb, and I whacked ya' with a little gaming nostalgia.

Anyway. Savage She-Hulk on her way. Also, I feel kind of bad about not delivering on the Danger Mouse art. I'll give it a shot.

Of Nightmares and Dreams

Wherein the Dave discusses roleplaying, music, and the idea that it might be a good time to start writing again.

I was inspired by this image (at right) - wich is from some deviant's* idea of what the TARDIS might look like within its own microverse (the outside of what's inside the Police Box) - to begin work on a World of Darkness Campaign combining elements of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos with Doctor Who.

The basic idea (barring any spoilers) is that the Player Characters - in the course of investigating (or running from) some weird shit - discover an abandoned TARDIS. As to what's going on within the TARDIS, why the PCs can get into it, and what unfathomable terrors lurk beyond Time and Space? I'll leave that to your imagination.

The Campaign is tentatively going to be called "the Horror from Out of Time."

*You can look at ~Clone-Artist's deviantART gallery here.

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I was born in 1973. I was pretty stoked to learn that Queen's debut album came out that same year (as did Aerosmith's and a few others I don't care much about).

Just for the hell of it, and because I wanna, here are my top 5 albums from the year I was born.

1. Queen - Queen :: Now, I didn't listen to Queen in 1973. I have no idea if I listened to Any music in 1973; but I didn't discover Queen until the 80's (and organized sports) when I started hearing songs like "We Are the Champions" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" - you know, the songs everyone knows. With the advent of the internet, however (and the awesomery that is in no way actually "piracy." I've become a huge fan of Queen. "Keep Yourself Alive" might be everyone's favorite from this album; but I also really like "Great King Rat" and "Night Comes Down."
   
2. Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd :: This list is mostly a nostalgia/ anecdotal list or else Dark Side of the Moon would be first. I didn't discover Pink Floyd until my brother, Chris introduced me to the Wall; and I didn't find out about Dark Side of the Moon until I heard about the whole Dark Side of the Rainbow thing; and that was awesome. "Breathe, Money, Us and Them," there are way to many good songs on this album for it not to be number one; but I just - for some ungodly reason - don't listen to it as often as I listen to Queen.
3. Billion Dollar Babies - Alice Cooper :: I don't think of myself as having belonged to any high-school click; but - as much as I regret it - I probably fell somewhere between Metalhead and Redneck. Though I'm not a fan now - that's not true, I just don't listen to it any more - Billion Dollar Babies is the album on this list that I've listened to most. "Billion Dollar Babies, No More Mister Nice Guy, Sick Things, Mary Ann." God! Now I have to download this album again. Pirate Bay, here I come. brb.
4. Back. Pat Garret & Billy the Kid - Bob Dylan :: My Mom & Dad had an extensive record collection. Highway 61 Revisited was among those albums and I listened to Pat Garret & Billy the Kid because I figured my Dad liked it. At first it was kind of a let down (aside from "Knockin' of Heaven's Door," of course), but then I saw the movie. I really liked it (It was one of the first Westerns I actually paid attention to - I was not a fan of the genre). James Coburn is awesome.
   
   
5. Aerosmith - Aerosmith :: I found out about Aerosmith in the late 80's with Permanent Vacation and Pump. I found out how old they were one afternoon when I got into the car with mom and put Pump into the tape deck. Mom said, "is that Aerosmith?" And I was completely blown away by two things: 1. How cool my mother was for liking a band that was actually cool, 2. How little I knew about any music after 1968 (thanks to my parent's totally awesome Classic Music collection).
   

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On the writing front - I haven't been. That's disappointing. Brain Squids. I'm working in a dead-end job that harbors only the slightest fractions of joy just so that I can a) have the time to write, and b) so that I'll have some motivation to do so. Most of the writers whose blogs and Twitter accounts I follow have given up things like Television and Video Games. I've already moved these things in my life to the back-burner - and the majority of my gaming time is spent at my brother's house anyway; I hardly ever watch television now.


If only I could curtail my internetting. By the way, I've been catching up on Chuck; Kristen Kruek is cute as a button. She's no Jamie Eason; but I guess there's a reason she was "the Girl Next Store" in Smallville.

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My plan is to pick up my novel tomorrow morning. Also look for something here in the next couple days - probably an Electroverse Update, though I'll be porting all of my previously published short fiction to this blog as I shut down all the things (MySpace, LiveJournal, etc) I no longer pay attention to.

From the New York Times (here)

THE Obama administration is planning some big changes to how we measure the success or failure of schools and how we apportion federal money based on those assessments. It’s great that the administration is trying to undertake reforms, but if we want to make sure all children learn, we will need to overhaul the curriculum itself. Our current educational approach — and the testing that is driving it — is completely at odds with what scientists understand about how children develop during the elementary school years and has led to a curriculum that is strangling children and teachers alike.

In order to design a curriculum that teaches what truly matters, educators should remember a basic precept of modern developmental science: developmental precursors don’t always resemble the skill to which they are leading. For example, saying the alphabet does not particularly help children learn to read. But having extended and complex conversations during toddlerhood does. Simply put, what children need to do in elementary school is not to cram for high school or college, but to develop ways of thinking and behaving that will lead to valuable knowledge and skills later on.

So what should children be able to do by age 12, or the time they leave elementary school? They should be able to read a chapter book, write a story and a compelling essay; know how to add, subtract, divide and multiply numbers; detect patterns in complex phenomena; use evidence to support an opinion; be part of a group of people who are not their family; and engage in an exchange of ideas in conversation. If all elementary school students mastered these abilities, they would be prepared to learn almost anything in high school and college.

Imagine, for instance, a third-grade classroom that was free of the laundry list of goals currently harnessing our teachers and students, and that was devoted instead to just a few narrowly defined and deeply focused goals.

In this classroom, children would spend two hours each day hearing stories read aloud, reading aloud themselves, telling stories to one another and reading on their own. After all, the first step to literacy is simply being immersed, through conversation and storytelling, in a reading environment; the second is to read a lot and often. A school day where every child is given ample opportunities to read and discuss books would give teachers more time to help those students who need more instruction in order to become good readers.

Children would also spend an hour a day writing things that have actual meaning to them — stories, newspaper articles, captions for cartoons, letters to one another. People write best when they use writing to think and to communicate, rather than to get a good grade.

In our theoretical classroom, children would also spend a short period of time each day practicing computation — adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing. Once children are proficient in those basics they would be free to turn to other activities that are equally essential for math and science: devising original experiments, observing the natural world and counting things, whether they be words, events or people. These are all activities children naturally love, if given a chance to do them in a genuine way.

What they shouldn’t do is spend tedious hours learning isolated mathematical formulas or memorizing sheets of science facts that are unlikely to matter much in the long run. Scientists know that children learn best by putting experiences together in new ways. They construct knowledge; they don’t swallow it.

Along the way, teachers should spend time each day having sustained conversations with small groups of children. Such conversations give children a chance to support their views with evidence, change their minds and use questions as a way to learn more.

During the school day, there should be extended time for play. Research has shown unequivocally that children learn best when they are interested in the material or activity they are learning. Play — from building contraptions to enacting stories to inventing games — can allow children to satisfy their curiosity about the things that interest them in their own way. It can also help them acquire higher-order thinking skills, like generating testable hypotheses, imagining situations from someone else’s perspective and thinking of alternate solutions.

A classroom like this would provide lots of time for children to learn to collaborate with one another, a skill easily as important as math or reading. It takes time and guidance to learn how to get along, to listen to one another and to cooperate. These skills cannot be picked up casually at the corners of the day.

The reforms suggested by the administration on Monday have the potential to help liberate our schools. But they can only do so much. Our success depends on embracing a curriculum focused on essential skills like reading, writing, computation, pattern detection, conversation and collaboration — a curriculum designed to raise children, rather than test scores.

Susan Engel is a senior lecturer in psychology and the director of the teaching program at Williams College.